Pool, rastas playing pool and smoking ganka, and me watching the presedential debate. Sweet.

Hello! Things I want to share with you:

First, integration can be really difficult. My patience is not always there and guys especially are hard to deal with. There is a bar/car wash (I know, right) across the street from my house and I was at a loss for where to watch the debate tonight. I decided to go there alone, and at night. Two things I haven't done yet. I texted two people to tell them what I was up to as to not be totally irresponsible. I got there and I was the only girl amidst about ten men. I asked if I could watch the debate and realized I had no money to buy anything. I have talked to the owner a few times so he knew me. I called him over and told him that I knew it was totally rude to come and not buy anything but that I didn't feel safe walking to the ATM this late by myself. This is not a big fancy bar. It is a Jamaican rum bar, much like a dive bar in the states. Think Billy Rays, but open air and not as hipster. He was so nice and took my hand and said that he would like to buy me a beer and not to worry. Although this made me nervous, worried about expectations later, I still accepted as I thought he would be offended if I didn't.

So there I am, the only white person, only woman there, and the guys were just sitting around chatting, smoking ganja, playing pool, and dominoes and not one person came up and harrassed me. It was AMAZING AND UNPRECEDENTED. Yay. There is this one rasta I have talked to a few times. We yelled at the TV together it was great. It is the little things that make me so happy here. It rarely even has to do with my job. Just getting to know people is so great.

I said first, but it was also last. I am tired. And hungry. Probably not going to eat though. Three cups of tea and my elastic band here I come.

Yay me.

I had a very frustrating day at work and this was an incredible way to end it.

Ok, I am really done now.

And then there was SHIT.

Yesterday I had my first regional conference for the environment sector. It ran about 5 hours and was about 2 hours from Negril in Santa Cruz at RADA (Rural Agricultural Development Agency). Two environment volunteers live there and organized it. After not seeing them for over a month, this is how our conversation went:

Andrea: Hey how are you??!! Sorry it smells so bad in here. (very smelly inside meeting room)
Me: Hey! I'm good. I don't mind the smell at all actually. I like it. I grew up in the country and miss the smell of cow.
Andrea: Really? There aren't any cows around here. I think it is dog shit.
Me: Um, oh. Yeah.

Tami, queen of smooth. Seriously people, why?


The meeting was alright. It was actually really boring and hot. Needed, but long, boring and hot. Because it was boring, I will recap the highlights. First, I got curried goat for lunch. I LOVE curried goat. It tastes a lot like lamb. Really fatty and soft and delicious...mmm. It is too expensive to buy usually but lunch was free. Second, my supervisor fell asleep. I had to nudge him awake. Oh Obie-wan-kanobi. How I adore thee. I had a third but forgot what it was. Oh! I remember. I got seeds. A ton of them. Like 15 packets. Mind you they are expired Wal-Mart seeds that I was told by a farmer in Negril they probably won't grow well. But I want to grow a garden. I want the project. I get to get dirty, and weed, and watch things grow, and then eat them! Sadface....my back yard is literally coral. No grass, just really uncomfortable stabby rocks and that are uncomfortable when you walk on them. I scrape myself all the time exploring back there. There is space under my window that is possible for a little teeny garden, but I have to figure out how to get soil to my place...what to do...

For your laughing pleasure:
This is what happens when you still don't know how to do your laundry. I woke up early to do my handwashing, but not early enough. I woke up at 8am, should have been 6am. I had to turn my house into a laundry room. I had 5 lines strewn across my room. Ugh...one day no more stiff clothes, no more moldy clothes, no more wet clothes. Jesus.

I love how the Jamaican Patois changes spelling for everything. It is a spoken language, not written, but people write it phonetically so when you see it spelled around town...I smile. I stopped by this rasta shack selling natural soups on the side of the road (amazing soup fyi) one soup was spelled, Rice and Pumking soup. Hehe. And they like to switch around a bunch of words. Just a little Patois 101. AKA jus a likl patwa 101.

little-likl
bundle-bongl
driver-jriava
bottle-bokl

Present tense examples:

I am walking to work.--Mi a walk fi work.
I am baking cake. -- Mi a bake cake.


Past tense examples:

I went there yesterday. -- Mi did go deer yessadai.
She died last month. --Har did die las mont.

Future tense examples:

I am going to go to town. -- Mi a go fi town.
I will get married and have children. --Mi wi get married an av pikni.


**I can go on and on but there is more to say.


For instance, I have something to say about beans. I love black beans, maybe even more than chocolate. Actually, no, I don't. Maybe I can say if you combined my love for black beans and cheese together it would add up to my love for chocolate. Not the point. What I want to say is that finding black beans is almost impossible. Of course, it is my nature to want what I can't have. But alas, the Hi/Lo (3rd world Safeway) had a shipment of black beans. I didn't even care man, I cleaned them out.
I now have a months worth of black beans and it makes me very happy. I made huevos rancheros tonight for me and my neighbor Sandy. Oh my was it good. Eggs here are kind of watery so they don't cook right, the cheese isn't very good and very expensive, and I can't afford salsa because it is even more expensive so it wasn't my very best, but it was certainly my very best Jamaican huevos rancheros. Dang, and I was a cooking fool! I almost forgot to write that I also made homemade cornbread from scratch! Not only that, I made it with stone ground cornmeal, whole wheat flour, and I added an entire scotch bonnet (think hottest pepper on earth) and chunks of cheese. So dang good.

Things I want to write about but don't have time to:
Things I miss (Mexican Food)
Things I am irritated with (Jamaican men...assholes)
Things I appreciate (Friends)
Things that hurt (Constipation)
Things that are 2 weeks late (Aunt flow)

But I can't because it is 11pm and I have to find thirteen jokes to write out on 13 pieces of scratch paper. My neighbor is going to Turkey tomorrow and I try to make her laugh everyday...I want to continue this even if it is in spirit. She is also someone I could write an entire blog about. My Peace Corps Neighbor Sandy. She is amazing and makes my experience here so much better.

Anyways....

Likl more.

Donkey Tacos, Flying Cockroaches, and Jurassic Park, oh my!

Some notable notes:

Tacos are amazing. Let me repeat: Tacos are AMAZING. Soft tacos that is. It is impossible to get taco shells that aren't stale. Same goes for tortilla chips, but there is nothing to do about that but make nachos so delicious that you don't notice the stale chips, and soft tacos instead of hard shell. The only real problem is that black beans are hard to come by and cheese is expensive, and salsa is just plain too expensive to buy. This leaves Mexican food for very special occasions, or when I can't stand it anymore. I have finally gotten accustomed to pears. Pears here are known to you Americans as avocados. They are humongous and a little harder and their flavor is a little different. Back home, last summer in fact, I attributed the 10 pounds I gained to eating pears by the spoonful, but here, I can only enjoy them in something. Sandwiches...nachos...crackers with cream cheese and papaya chutney...never alone. Although I am sure you are tired of me blogging about tacos, I feel obligated to explain why I mention Donkey. I have reason to believe that my unusual ground beef (which is expensive here and has been rancid at the stores in the past) was actually quite normal donkey. Apparently, it is not unheard of to sell donkey as beef. I am not complaining. It was damn good donkey.

Next, my battle with cockroaches is intensifying. I think they are winning. It makes me sad. This last attempt at battle resulted in my failed attempt at killing a big fucker. I'm talking big...and juicy and gross. Next thing I know it is crawling up the wall in my bathroom. Keith, my PCV friend who lives in Logwood, played the hero roll and sprayed it and then smashed it and then flushed it, but my screams were so audible that the neighbors came to make sure everything was ok. Damn those cockroaches.

I have realized that I blog so much and they are so long that I actually don't ever even get through my own so I am trying to keep them shorter from now on so lastly...

Jurassic Park man, more like fe fi fo fum. Who's Jurassic now bitch! When I was little, I remember the first movies I ever saw at the theater. I believe they were in this order starting with my first ever big screen flick! 1) Lion King, 2) Home Alone, 3) Free Willy, 4) JURASSIC PARK...saw it twice even! After the movie, I started having nightmares that I was in Jurassic Park and that the dinasaurs were trying to kill me. Then I started having nightmares that they were in my life...like my house and my yard and my town and everything. This was recurring over and over for years! But now, I feel like I have the upperhand. There are more lizards here than birds. They are like pigeons or something. They are freaking everywhere and they are all shapes and sizes and colors. I have them in my house and outside and when I shower they are in my window. I can't even explain how many lizards are everywhere! They look like some of the dinos in my dreams, but now I am big and they are afraid of me! They are super curious and once one jumped on me. Oh yeah, they hop. Did you know lizards hop like bunnies becuase I sure didn't.

Like I said, I could go on...I have so much to report. But you can only read so much. Until next time...

Sex in the City, By Carrie Bradshaw…um...yeah…more like Lizards in the Jungle, By Tami Wallis

Tami in America!!!

Tami in Jamaica!!!

Sometimes sitting in a rent-controlled Manhattan apartment writing about sex and love while drinking a cosmopolitan sounds like a nice reprieve from life as a Peace Corps Volunteer. But that is not me and I am not there. Sometimes it is appealing to be back in the states with ­some disposable income, being able to go dancing at Lola’s on 80’s night, or drinking my favorite draft beer, while eating my favorite cheeseburger at my favorite brew pub in Portland.

That is not what I have chosen as my path. Instead, I am 24 and living in Jamaica for the next two years. I am a yardie, sitting on my front porch, writing about my adventures, my concerns for humanity, and my involvement in it, while drinking ice cold water to keep from dehydrating. The most freeeing part about this is that I don’t feel like I am missing out.

I chose this.

I chose to be uncomfortable for two years. I chose to see and live in another world. I chose to struggle and to feel pain and to experience the exhilaration and satisfaction of succeeding after numerous failures of living and working in a culture that operates at a different speed as the United States.

When I decided to join the Peace Corps, it didn’t matter to me where I went or what I did there. My main motivation was to serve, whatever that means. My life has experienced good and bad, pleasure and pain, opportunities in health care and education. Because I have experienced poverty, and the darkness it brings, naturally being given the chance at education and financial security has afforded me the ability to wake up everyday with a feeling of being rich with a diversity of experience and opportunities. This gratitude is what keeps a smile on my face and strength in my heart.

People talk about success. I talk about success as well, but there is a difference between success and excellence. For me, I equate success with things: money, career, a flashy new car, the newest iPhone. I want to be financially comfortable, but my personal drive is the desire to achieve excellence. I equate excellence with people, relationships, experience, and choices. It is living a life that doesn’t cause harm o others and being the best person I can be to myself and those in my life. Excellence is making choices that are hard, or having conversations that are uncomfortable. Sometimes, excellence is saying no, when you really want to say yes.

Life in Jamaica is different. When I get together with friends, our conversations cover topics that I have never had before. Questions like, “How do I deal with harassment on the street while maintaining respect for myself and being culturally sensitive?” or “How do I talk to my supervisor about frustrations without offending him/her when I am unhappy with something?” or “How do I keep lizards out of my house?”

Living in Jamaica is very different than living in the United States. It is like juggling too many balls at once. Many times, you drop a ball, but when you don’t, it feels soooo good. Every aspect of the day has to be altered to Jamaica. You wake up in the morning to humidity, heat, bugs, and suddenly your body is not comfortable. You walk down the street thinking about how the blue of the ocean never gets old, while dealing with honking taxis, people yelling at you to buy something, or because they want to yell at you, while being concerned with whether the weather will turn and your laundry that you spent an hour hand washing will fall victim to the sudden torrential downpours that unfortunately leave my clothes smelling like I washed them in mold.

Getting to work you might have no structure, slow productivity, systems of business that leave something to be desired…such as running water or electricity that goes out from time to time. Learning to adapt to all these things at once is something that challenges you to your core and takes time and patience. Juggling has never been harder.

The walk home involves everything the walk to work involved, but the new sweat is mixing with the old sweat and so suddenly on top of everything else, there may be a certain unpleasant odor that follows you home. I find myself having to work harder to smile and say good evening, when all my strength and patience were used up throughout the day. Running on reserves is dangerous. Let me correct, me running on reserves can be dangerous. Another story for another day.

At the end of the day, there is little else to do but reflect on the day, and reflect on myself. Writing this on a Sunday, I find myself preparing emotionally, mentally, and physically for the week ahead. Instead of wondering if I can buy the new Manolo Blahniks at the end of the week ($400 high heels), I am budgeting so I can enjoy some jerk chicken at my favorite jerk stand. I am reminding myself that things don’t move the same on island time, and realizing that it is way to hot to do anything but slow.

At the end of the day, when I am tired, sweaty, and quite possibly dehydrated, all I can do is smile. I am achieving success by allowing myself permission to fail. Success here comes with patience, something I fail at, but deserve and A for effort. I am also achieving excellence. I am looking inside myself, speaking to others, and contemplating how best to move forward even in the face of fear.

The highlight of my week was not finishing the first draft of a grant I am co-writing that could progress my cause as an environmental educator. My highlight was after stopping at the bike taxi stand where I receive daily harassment, and talking to them, and having them talk to me, instead of at me. Introducing myself and having a human conversation. The next day walking by them most smiled and one held out his fist and said, “Wopm.” I pounded fists and smiled and said “Maanin boys” and kept walking, but my smile remained for the whole walk to work. The other highlight was peeing in a toilet with blue water and watching it turn green. But hey, sometimes it’s the small things that keep me smiling. Sometimes, all you can do is laugh.

Such Great Heights

It blows my mind how easy music can shift your mood. I think right now I feel complacent. I didn't wake up that way. I didn't want to face the day. Not in a bad way, just tired and didn't feel like working. The thunder woke me up at 5am with the house vibrating and it felt like there were bombs going off all around me. Let's just say after that I felt a little...on edge. Once I realized I wasn't in a war zone, I enjoyed listening to the storm outside. I have always loved listening to the rain, but it sounds different here. It is heavy, like it has purpose.

Anyways...music...so I wanted something mellow to start my day. I usually go with Derby, or something equally danceable (sp?) like Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers or even my 80's Night Dance Party Mix. If it is singing I want it is usually Fiona Apple of Johnny Cash for the morning. Today I wanted chill. No dancing and singing for Tami's wake up and start the day routine. I put on Iron and Wine and watched the rain and everything felt ok. Slowly, my anxiety subsided, and all the uncertainty that life brings melted away as something that mattered, but that was ok. I feel good.

I have been struggling with my first bouts of boredom this week. I have been totally content having my evenings to read and write and watch but I have been feeling...not lonely exactly, but in the mood for socialization. I can only read and write and watch so much. There is a whole slew of things I can do but the issue there is motivation. After spending much of the day in the sun my energy is zapped. Maybe I need to get in the habit of uppers and downers. Drink my upper, pop my downer. That way, I can drink coffee at 5 and stay up excited about my creative abilities and then pop some xanax to sleep at night. Yes, I will start this routine immediately. Thank god addiction doesn't run in the family or I would be in serious trouble. ;)

I haven't been smoking the ganja but last night, I found myself wishin I had some. Sweet. New idea, I am going to spend 24 hours a day on some sort of mind altering susbstance or stimulant. Life is good. What a party.

Anyways....joking aside (I hope you know I was joking) I am sitting on my bed in my cool house (thank you rain) and eating my first attempt at Peanut Porridge. It is good. Not delicious. Needs work, but I thank Jamaica for loving porridge as much as I do.

I am now going to shower, get ready to start my day, and work on this damn grant!

Until later...

Ants 7, Tami 1,200. I win.

I think the ole ands and I are having a showdown. I am currently in the lead but I don't know for how long. I spray them, step on them, and sponge them away, but they get into my food, on my bed, in my freaking clothes! Mind you these are not the biting kind thank god. I kill so many of them and I didn't start feeling bad about it until last night. I was sitting on the bench outside my house with my friend Keith and a giant red ant was walking on the pathway and minding its own business. It wasn't trying to terrorize me or my food, but I saw it and just stomped on him. Immediately I recoiled and whimpered a little. When Keith asked what was wrong all I could say was "The ant was just being an ant." And then I started thinking about all the lives I have taken. Those poor ants. I am a mass murderer. Oh well. I guess they should have thought about that before getting into my shit.

The places we go!

So a major perk of working in Negril and working with the hotels is that they invite you to come and use their facilities. This was a fun night. A pool right on the cliffs overlooking the ocean. Just what I needed. Thank you Rockhouse (google that shit).

So my high and low of the week (yes it is Monday). High: The back roads that I walk to get to walk have been beneficial because I am meeting people that don't think I am a tourist and two women I have been chatting with have invited me to come over and cook and hang out with them. This is called integration ladies and gentlemen and it is not an easy task in a tourist community. I am making progress. I am also having a BBQ with some fellow PCV on Saturday for my birthday and we are inviting a handful of Jamaicans which is also very exciting. Ok, my low: Part of my job is to increase the capacity for Jamaicans here, skills transfer and the like. One of the things I need to do is train my supervisor (a very wise man) computer skills. I had him take a computer literacy assessment and he scored near zero. He said he felt like a dummy and I feel like I made him feel small, which is not something I want to do at all. He has been very receptive to all this and wants to learn, I just have to make sure he knows that it is ok that I know this and he doesn't. He is a very good man.

Currently my mind is in a very healthy place. It is difficult going through the adjustment phase of living in a developing country where the conveniences that you are used to do not exist. For one: air conditioning. Two: trash disposal. I have to take my trash everyday to the grocery store complex and sneak it into the one receptacle they have. Back to my healthy head space: I feel like I can do this. I am excited to do it. I have learned so much about myself in the 10 weeks that I have been here I can only imagine who I will be in two years! That being said, this is my one hangup currently: I work too much. Or, I feel I do. The thing is, I don't actually work myself to the bone. But I feel like I need more down time for my mental health. Because I am adjusting and dealing with some anxiety and all this, it would really help if I had a little more freedom with my job. It is funny that I write this and you'll know why when I walk you through my usual day. In the real world, I don't make the rules. There are 40 hour work weeks and expectations for work, but in reality, if I were able to control my work schedule a little better, I would be more efficient and effective. I am doing pretty well, but don't want to step on my supervisors toes already.

So, this is my daily routine (with some variation).
6:30 Alarm goes off, I reset it for 8:30
7:30 I wake up
8:30 I get up, pee, take out my retainers, figure out what I am going to have for breakfast and jump in the shower
8:50ish Walk around wet and naked (only time to be REALLY cool for the whole day), make my breakfast (this varies), make my iced orgasmic, climactic, instant coffee
9:00 Turn on my computer to organize my information that I am going to present to my supervisor, make my to do list for the day or add to the one I made the previous night, check work emails over my breakfast and coffee, brush my teeth, put on my spf, make sure my iPOD is charging so I can rock out when I get home
9:30 Leave for work. I walk through this back road (I will take you there whoever visits me) 1.5 miles to work saying "Good morning" with a smile on my face to all passersby and idlers. (I have been promoted in reponse from shock and awe to 'good morning dear' I love it.)
10:00 Arrive at the Recycling Center, meet with my supervisor. Most of this is just chit chat and visiting and then down to business. Relationships are super important here so production is low and talking is high.
12:30ish Leave for home for my lunch.
1:00 Shower, walk around naked while I drip dry (not cool and usually sweating unless I am sitting in front of the fan), put my clothes on and make and eat my lunch
2:00 Go to the Chamber of Commerce and do computer work, phone calls, research, etc, or go to meetings at schools, hotels, etc.
4:30-5 Leave to go home
My evenings vary but they are mostly make dinner, write emails and blog etc, and read. SOMETIMES I watch a movie but I have only watched like three since being here. I also work. As soon as I am done here I am going to install Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing on my computer and get familiar with it to use with my supervisor. And then I am going to do some preliminary research on composting with cardboard. I try to go to bed around 10pm which explains why I try to get up at 6:30, but it never works that way.

So all in all, I work from 10-12:30 and then 2:00-4:30 ish...but I always do work in the morning and when I get home. So I feel like I get a lot done, but the hours aren't out of control. So am I slacking? I think this is what I am trying to figure out. Can I work less or is that bad even though I am accomplishing a ton? It isn't even like I want more free time for fun and games. I want to have the emotional energy to go talk to my neighbors and get involved in my community. I feel pretty strained mentally just from trying to process my new life and my goals and plans here, on top of the stimulus of LIVING IN JAMAICA IN POVERTY so by the end of the night I really just want to hang out and chill in my place. So if I spent more time hanging out and chilling in my crib, I could have more energy to be in my community which is a huge part of the Peace Corps!

Moving on from that...I could go on forever with how I feel and what I should do. There are a few things in particular I need to mention. First, I love lists. They are so incredible for organization. I make lists for everything. Everyday! In fact, I have a list for this blog. I have been working on it throughout the week. One of them, number 8, the love of lists. I am not going to cover everything on my list tonight or I would go on forever, but I will say that it is nice to look back over my list because it helps me remember the things that really stick out to me the most.

For instance...I was cracking myself up the other day looking at this dead crab in the road that was flat as a pancake (Acme cartoon style). The roadkill here is two things. Giant land crabs, and huge frogs! I see way more flat crabs and mushed up frogs. There is sadly also the occasional dog. Since I am on the topic of frogs and crabs, two things: I am scared of both but crazy interested in them. They intrigue me so I investigate and naturally I get close enough and poke it or something (I know...bad) and then shriek like a little school girl. I got the best of both worlds tonight! I was walking home from my neighbor Sandy's place ( I had dinner over there. Whole wheat pasta with pumpkin and callallo and lots of butter. SO freaking good.) and on my way home a giant frog jumped in front of me and I screamed so loud that she came running thinking I was going to get killed! Nope. Just a frog. Silly me. And then, I was in here (my house) and the dog Lucky (dumb as a dalmation but cute and sweet) was barking the serious some one is in the yard bark. Well, kids have been coming in the yard picking fruit to sell and I was getting ready to go yell at them and I ran out and it wasn't a person at all (mind you I prob should have had my mace in case it was a bad bad man). It was a crab in his dog house that we call his 'villa.' Luckiest dog alive...at least he seems to know it. Anyways....this crab and him were having one hell of a battle. I took some pics. None are good but I am going to put one up anyways.

I also think I am going to start posting video blogs on Youtube. Not sure how that is going to work. I have been posting on Facebook and it takes too long and overwhelms my internet connection trying to do it on Blogger but I am going to try to Youtube. SO get ready life out there! I will keep you all posted on what ends up happening there.

It is incredible how used to bugs I am getting here. Well, bugs and lizards. I guess I am still adjusting to the frogs and crabs. There are three kinds of ants here that you see regularly. There are sugar ants, everything thing ants, and red hot ants. They all have names that I don't know, but here is the breakdown. Sugar ants are everywhere there is sugar. And, everywhere there is not, but there will be a million on anything that is sugar (which is why my cereal in in the refrigerator). They are the coolest ants I have ever had in my life. They are tiny tiny things. Unless there are a ton you don't even notice them on the wall, on the bed, on my body. They are half black and their butt half is white (thorax?) and they move like superman. Man, these things are so freaking fast. I can't even explain except for that if you rock their world they disappear in seconds in this frenzy. Next, everything ants. They eat everything (which is why everything is in my refrigerator, even my canned goods...I know..don't say anything). They are black and normal sized small ants that you see in the states everywhere. They like to crawl onto you (you don't feel it) and then bite the shit out of you. Welts exist and itch all day but it stings man. I was doing my laundry this morning and as I was hanging it to dry on the line I felt like five bites and look down and there was a whole colony on my feet consuming me and I didn't even know. Bastard ants. In the last week they have found my house. Not happy about it. Red hot ants: they are huge, red, and bite: HARD. Other than that, I only have to deal with mosquitoes in my place (if I leave the screen open), lizards, and roaches. The lizards are no longer cute. I am tired of dealing with all their little poos everywhere. The roaches I can't even take. I remember my favorite college professor telling a story of when he was doing outreach work in San Fransisco and played a game with his wife where they would turn on the lights in the kitchen and see who could count the most cockroaches. I took all his classes and heard his story over and over again thinking it was so funny and endearing. It is actually not funny and endearing. It sucks. I go into my kitchen without turning the light on and they are running everywhere and they hop! I had one jump out at me in the sink. Scared the crap out of me. So I have cockroaches, lizards, two kinds of ants, and mosquitoes. Not bad. I mean it. My place is super nice. I am just glad I don't have to take bucket showers and boil my water. I would have survived beautifully in the bush and would have loved the 'roughin it' aspect of the Peace Corps and I certainly am in some ways, but I also have a Hi/Lo right around the corner from my house and I get cell phone reception. I am good to go.

I feel like it is getting gross or weird that I speak about my intestinal adventures, but it is such a huge part of making it here. It is tough everyday. And since this blog is definitely a cultural exchange piece (readers are learning about life in Jamaica) I feel like it is appropriate to tell you. So I thought I had worms, not sure if I do. I took the medicine and haven't seen any, but am still having some symptoms which I still feel the need to not share for some reason. Me not sharing is seriously weird...not in the mood to get gory, even though I have some gory freaking details. Basically not sure what is going on there. I chickened out with the tape test. I woke up and thought about it but then went to the bathroom and wiped...oops. Seriously though, there are so many kinds of bowel movements here. I am not sure what is normal anymore. First of all, my stool has been a dark green and mucousy now for months and half the time it is runny. They call it runny belly here. I love it so much more than the term diarrhea. And I can deal with runny belly. I am getting used to measuring the runny belly, the urgent runny belly, and the emergency runny belly. For instance, the difference between runny belly and urgent runny belly is the first you don't know you have until you are on the toilet, the second you feel moving and know you need to find a restroom in the next ten minutes. The difference between urgent runny belly and emergency runny belly is the first you know you have five or ten minutes, the second, you get out of the shower midwash to evacuate (this happened earlier this week followed by urgent RB for the rest of the afternoon). I can handle all of this but the cramping sucks, as does the raw asshole. I am ready to be regular. That is all I will say on the matter for a while. I am poop talked out.

This blog is now so long that no one will probably get this far but I am going to leave on a good note here. I am really happy to be here. Everyday I am tested. My patience, my humility, my temper, my spirit. I am guided by wanting to make the right decisions to better myself and be good to others. Right now this involves me in Jamaica and all the emotions I feel. All the choices to make. All the mistakes to expect. This is all hard, but I am getting through everyday and am lucky enough to look inside myself everyday to reflect on this experience. These last pics are me and my bffj4e Grace. This is the contrast of how we look, and how we feel.

So much about nothing.

Oh my...has it been an interesting couple of weeks. The problem is that now that last weekend has come and gone, I am not nearly excited to write about it. Basically...me...30 other volunteers...Falmouth....birthday celebrations...skinny dipping in the ocean at 3AM....fun...fun...fun...followed by a lot of exhaustion. Because I am still adjusting to everything it is way too overstimulating everyday so processing this whole experience takes time and after a weekend of waaaay too much fun, the week was pretty tiring. But what a good week! Before I get to my good week however I have to mention: I have worms. I am pretty sure. I saw 4 in my poo last weekend and have been examining my stools and haven't seen any since so I am starting to doubt, but I still went to the pharmacy and got dewormer and took it. I thought they were gone but now I am not so sure for reasons I am feeling too bashful to mention (weird). So, in the morning, I am going to do the tape test. It's going to be ugly. It involves tape, and my butthole. I am expecting too lose a few hairs and is not how I want to start my morning but if I don't get to the bottom of this, I am going to go insane. So, if I pull out a worm or two...or see eggs, I have worms. What if I don't though? Assume I don't and welcome this weight loss? I don't have much more weight to lose. I would rather not lose anymore. All my clothes fit ugly and baggy now and I can't afford to buy more clothes.

Man, I am all over the place. I am not in the spot to blog right now, but if I don't do it now, too much time is going to pass and I want to stay in the habit of blogging. So...next, my week. Working here is frustrating in ways I have no idea how to explain. Probably because it doesn't exist in America. I am going to skip over the frustrations and go straight to the good stuff! I have been in touch with some schools and I am going to get involved with the environment clubs there and hopefully get a sustainable recycling program going. This is really good news. I miss working with youth. I also have some meetings set up at a hotel, and with a woman that distributes a product called "Earthbound" that is used instead of styrofoam and is biodegradable. It is way cool and I am hoping to get some businesses and schools to use them to reduce the waste that accumulates at an alarming rate on this ISLAND! There is only so much room for it.

I am going to save the rest of what I have to say when my computer isn't making me sweat on my clean sheets. Overall though, my head is in a good place and although I wish I could have a whole week to just be in Negril and relax and get my bearings, work is tomorrow and I am going to go. Boo, but yay because I am in the Peace Corps in Jamaica and have a job.

Eureka!

So...I laugh at my stupidity...all the time. This time is no different. I have been terribly confused as to how birds were getting into my house and pooping on my walls, counters, etc. I don't think I have written yet, but lizards here are like cockroaches! They are everywhere and every size. They climb the walls, HOP(!), and dart all over the place. These little indiscretions are not bird poo, but rather lizard shit. Ok, makes sense, but dammit...seriously.

Today was not a good day for my patience with the Jamaican mens and their 'steel'. I was in no mood to deal with them. Someone yelled out that they wanted to walk with me and I usually say 'no thank you' but today I just yelled "NO!" And then, someone offered to buy me a dress he knew I wanted (heard me yesterday ask for a price...) and I just yelled, "I don't think so!" I usually don't yell. Well, I guess it wasn't yelling...maybe raised voice with a little attitude? Who knows.

I made a yellow cake with chocolate frosting last night...playing around with my kitchen I guess. It was a splurge. It cost like $6 for both of them, half of what I make in a day. But I needed it sooooo bad. I have one small piece left 24 hours later. Mind you I brought some to my co-workers and my neighbors, but I myself have had 5 good sized pieces...in 24 hours. Amazing. I didn't have the heart to tell my friend in Jamaica who was having a bad day that I was sitting there eating a delicious cake. She still doesn't know about my cake...she certainly should.

I have more to say but my book is waiting...

On life in Jamaica.

On Laundry:
Laundry, oh laundry, why does thy not dry? Maybe because it is hurricane season and it rains every time you do your washing??? Seriously dudes, my washing strategy has not been perfected as of yet. Too much or too little detergent, can't ring it out enough for it to dry in a short period of time, can't get stains out. Handwashing is a bitch! However, there is something incredibly satisfying about it. I got so worked up and sweaty from washing my underwear that I had to take a shower!

On Smelling:
Yup, still not used to stinking. It is either the sour of sweat all day, the musk from sweating all day (yes there is a sour and a musk), or the mildew from my clothes because I haven't perfected my handwashing! How does one get mildew black splotches out of clothing? Beats me, but I need to know. I will say, there is something really amazing about smelling though. It means you have been doing something worth while...well usually. It means that I walk two miles a day in the sun to and from work. It means that I am in Jamaica. It means that I am trying, even though it is difficult.

On Heat:
It is hot here. Like really hot. I am trying to adjust and be the strong, brave, wonder woman I fantasize about being, but the heat kicks my ass. I still trudge along and I do it well, but the heat makes me sick! I can't keep up with liquids. I drink water all day. Like a gallon a day, but still it is like I can feel the life evaporating off of me throughout the day. It makes me want to swim and to sleep. The funny part is that the water isn't cold enough and my room isn't even close to being cool so another thing about the heat is that you cannot escape it no matter how hard you try!

On Food:
It turns out I can cook. It is awesome. I love it. Today I made a coconut curry chicken vegetable rice bake surprise. It was incredible. Not only was it incredible, but I have now cooked for the entire week! The ingredients are as follows: coconut milk powder, curry powder, garlic, onion, carrot, sweet pepper (bell pepper), potato, green beans, eggplant, chicken, salt, and cock soup powder. Sooooo good. Oh, and this is poured over brown rice. I think it is nutritious....and delicious. Big op to Matt C. for the eggplant tip. ;) Also, jerk is the f*king bomb. I love it. I can't eat it often because it is a little too spendy for a Peace Corps budget, but dang.

On housing:
I never knew how amazing living alone could be. Roommates are good because I learned a lot about communication, boundaries, person time, space, etc, but really...living alone is incredible. I am not sure I can ever go back. I love my kitchen, everything in it is mine. I love my bathroom, everything in the cupboards are mine. I can fold my towels my way, leave things where I want them, decorate to compliment my spirit, and last but not least, I can experiment with things I have never been able to do but always wanted. First, peeing with the door open. I know lots of people do it, mainly guys, but I can just sit on the john and do my business and the door is wide open! It still makes me feel a little uncomfortable and I close it out of habit a lot but sometimes...I don't. Second, and really more importantly, nakedness. It is soooooo liberating. Today I came home for lunch and got soaked (Thanks Ike) and took off all my clothes. All my clothes. I didn't change, I just walked around my place naked. I made my lunch in my kitchen naked. I sat in my chair and ate my lunch naked. I cleaned my house and drank my instant coffee naked. I have realized for the first time that I really love to be naked.

Oh, I guess that is the good stuff. The only really bad thing is that I get scared sometimes. I have had people try to break in and steal stuff at night when I am here and I am fortified like no other with bars everywhere but every time I hear a noise in the dark I always worry if I will be able to scream if I need to for help. So dumb. It ends up being lucky the dog or fruit falling from all my fruit trees. Ugh.

On Music:
Listening to Paul Simon now. Listening a lot to Feist, Derby, Another Cynthia, Modest Mouse, Otis Redding, Johnny Cash, Ben Lee, Ryan Adams, Josh Ritter, Stars, Manu Chao, Jose Gonzales, Janis Joplin, and Fiona Apple mostly. It is all about the music. The morning routine, the chill time, the shower time, the laundry time, the dancing time, the singing time. So many occasions for music.

On Friends:
I miss everyone back home and I hope I am doing a good job keeping in touch. Doing my best...On people I am meeting here, wow. Amazing people. Funny people, beautiful people, strong people. I really hope that we will be friends for years and years. Oh, and coolest thing ever: I now have sweet hookups all over the country. Places I am most excited about: Kodiak, Alaska; Hawaii, Chicago, Georgia. Hells yes friends.

On Tanning:
It is hard to tan on purpose. You walk outside without SPF and you burn, with it you tan. I have lines all over the place. My butt is a pasty pasty white and my boobs look ridiculous. The beach is an incredible way to relax, look out at beauty, and reflect. It is amazing...and tanning is bitter sweet. I look good as a tan blond, but the cancer I may get later makes me nervous. I am trying to take care of my skin. I wear SPF Broad Spectrum 40 and apply like every 15 minutes usually. I have only burnt a couple of times since being here and never bad so I am pretty proud of myself. What I can't explain is the one tan line that goes between my boobs and halfway down my belly. It looks like someone layed a snake on my chest. I am thinking maybe laying under partial shade? Lame.

On Internet:
I am writing this from my bed. Wireless internet in the Peace Corps. Weird. I am not too ridiculous, but it has allowed me to keep up with people a lot more and read the news, blog, etc. I am just going to roll with it.

On Work:
Work is up and down, back and forth. I am still convinced that my boss is the coolest in all of Jamaica. The work that is ahead of me is really daunting because this type of work, pace of work, work ethic, etc is so different than the US that it is a constant comfort zone flirtation that sometimes I just don't have the energy for. I am going to learn a lot and hope that I am able to make some positive change. I really worry about sustainability. How do you make a market for recycling out of midair? Scary.

On Play:
I don't really know what play means. I can say that I have not been exercising in a way I am accustomed to. The 15 pounds I have lost from being sick is ok, it looks ok, not too skinny or gross, but what I can't handle is that my ass is starting to sag and turn to mush. If it goes too much more it is going to look like two pancakes hanging off my back. Not into it. It is too hot to do anything. When I get my bike i am going to start riding early in the morning and on the weekends hopefully. I miss frisbee and I am hoping to get into football (soccer) soon. Other than that, my days are pretty mentally overwhelming so by the time I get home, I love hanging out and reading, cooking, etc. I know it will get old at some point, but not yet. Right now I love my alone time. Sometimes I watch the sunset at Canoe or at the beach, usually with Brian and Yvonne. Sometimes I have visitors that come to visit. This last weekend I had four people visiting. It was a total blast. We went to the beach, cooked, listened to music and bullshitted, went to Rick's and swam. Cool stuff. This weekend is my birthday weekend and I am heading to Falmouth for the weekend to go to a volleyball tournament and have a party. It is going to be hard not to drink because I know everyone will be, but I may have one beer or two. Just not really drinking right now. Doesn't mix with my meds so I stay away.


I have more On ***s. But I am tired of writing. My computer is too damned hot now and I need to be done. What you missed out on:

On Culture Shock
On Emotions
On Needs

Sorry. Maybe next time.

This was a good blog. I really enjoyed writing it....naked.