Sweat, mold, mildew, dry clothes dry!

This is my sweat. This is what happens in Jamaica. You sweat. A lot. Even with the fan on you. That is all I got. I know. Gross.

Orgaaaasmic, Cliiimactic, Instant Coooffee!!! ...I-want-it-in-my-mouth-right-now! (That's what she said)

Man, I have been a blogging fool! I guess that happens when you have wireless internet on my bed. There are several things I want to say today. Starting with the my blog title. There are some things that are just not readily available and at my disposal. For instance, coffee shops are a rarity, as is good coffee in general. Therefore, when I'm really really jonesin for coffee, sometimes it must be instant. That being said, my blog title is actually the song I have created to get excited about my instant coffee. It's the little things you know?

Also life in Jamaica: I smell. For the first time in my life I have to wear deodorant and it isn't enough. I never stunk before, and now, when I sweat all day (I am sweating now on my bed at 8:30 pm) my skin just kind of smells sour all over. It isn't a bad sour, just not a pleasant sour. I shower twice a day and it isn't enough. It is just impossible to be dry. I sweat in the shower for heavens sake! I hand wash all my clothes and hang it to dry but when it rains and you are at work, your clothes don't exactly get dry. They get mildewy and moldy. Below is a pic of my current situation. I had to bring down all my clothes, hang them all over my room (you won't see the bathroom, kitchen, and grills on my windows) put the fan on them and will rehang them tomorrow. This doesn't seem like a big deal but I'll tell you, it is time consuming and a pain in the ass!

I also go through clothes so fast because of all the sweat that I am currently using a tank top as my sweat rag for the night since it is going in the nasty pile anyways...I feel dirty. But man, this is what I wanted!!! And this is nothing! I have mold in my white bra that won't scrub out...no bigs. I have had runny belly for 70% of my stay here, bring it on! A giant cockraoch just ran across my floor and under my bed...god help me. It is all good. I will say I bought myself a treat today. For J$180 (about 2.50USD) I bought myself some fragrance oil to dab on my neck so I don't have to smell myself. It is cherry almond and it is wonderful.

I have been up and down and back and forth and have been dealing with getting my room back in order and rearranging my furniture and things. The one aspect of my room that I have not liked are my bare walls! I need color and diversity. So today I put up some art that Grace made me. It makes me wish I would have brought something from my dad. He likes to paint me things. I also put some pics up so I can see my friends and family. I worry it might make things a little harder on me when I am having a rough day. I miss my bro and pops so dang much.

Work has been interesting. Tropical Storm Gustav completely wiped out the road that went to the recycling center. There was a land bridge made of clay going over a gully and it is just gone. There is some minor mountain climbing I now have to do to get to work. I will have to post a pic. It is intense! The inaccessible road now makes it impossible to drop of loads of materials and may hamper the progress we have been working towards. The last couple of days I have been mostly researching funding opportunities and going to meetings, but tomorrow I think I will actually be doing some planting in the nursery. One can hope anyways. I like to get my hands dirty!

I am going to go do some more organizing and then read and go to bed...and maybe play some tetris...I am going to leave you with a pic I took last week.

Goodbye Training, hello real world Jamaica

Oh. My. God. It is true. I live in Jamaica. I still have to tell myself this. I have been laying in bed reading for two hours and it is only 8pm. I am also realizing there are going to be a lot of nights I will be solo. It is fine, and I look forward to it, but I also know that at some point loneliness is going to knock at my door. But I welcome visitors. I also carry mace, and a smile.

Since I have posted last, I have traveled to and from Kingston to Negril, gotten sworn in as a Peace Corps Volunteer, gone to the doctor 3 times, survived Tropical Storm Gustav, and shit my pants. Me and my Negril posse left last Saturday for Kingston for a fun week of tests, lectures, and ceremonies. At some point while going 140km/h the bus holding twice as many people than it was made for, got a flat tire and screeched to a halt. I knew that my two years in Jamaica would not go by without some car troubles and as they knew what they were doing and changed the tire in five minutes, I got out of the van certain I almost died at seven in the morning.

The hotel we stayed in while in Kingston was the Mayfair and it was a huge step up from Shortwood Teachers College. They had a pool, bar, air conditioning, cable, and hot water. Didn't buy anything from the bar, and I didn't watch cable. I was not excited about the hot water until I a) went swimming until my teeth were chattering several nights in a row; and b) got a terrible cold and took an amazing bath. My roomate was none other than my bffj. How lucky am I. And my neighbors were amazing. Although the week was a pain with more necessary but unfortunate Peace Corps bureaucracy, it was also a time to get together with everyone and have a blast. In this last week we have learned that ting and gin make Ging, our new favorite drink (when talking of alchohol, I am not indulging..it has been making me sick). Ging is now an important beverage among us.

Our days and nights were relaxing, cards, food, drink, and most of it surrounded the pool. I was thrown in twice without my permission and while wearing clothes. Thank you Nick and Taylor for the clothes loans. Sorry you didn't get them back....oops. This trip opened up my world to wrestling in a way that I had not experienced for a long time. Apparently I am a bad ass. Thank you very much. Sorry Rob, I know you meant to beat me. The knuckle in my right big toe is unfortunately raw and robbed of its hobbit hair, but well worth the shock and awe attack.

A huge grief as of late has been the absence of black beans in ANY of the Negril markets. I am not crazy, I just love me beans. Without them I cannot make my huevos rancheros or my tacos. I need the beans. FINALLY after and exhausted search I find my beans in the Mega-mart, which is the Costco wannabe for JA, although I have a feeling they do not pay as well. I know it was a little overkill, but you better believe I bought 5 cans and 3 bags of dried black beans. Those who know me knows it doesn't stop there. I just plain love beans.

HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK: The Kingston Squealers! It is possibly too difficult to explain, but it involves five handsome men in a circle with a centerpiece being a man with a Kingston Beer. They all go under and one of them gives the signal of three squeals underwater. Then, in an explosion of wonder and bewilderment, these same men fly out of the water synchronized as flopping fishes all jumping in one direction in the cirlce. In a flash they are gone again only to have them reemerge going the other direction. Can you say HILARIOUS? Thank you men.

Also on this trip I solidified a nonfriend, but made many others. Many of us have picked up nicknames while we have been here because we are either that cool, or more than one of us have the same name or both. For instance, if I am ever mentioned, it likely will sound like this, "Has anyone seen the Tamahawk recently? You know that Tamahawk Cruise Missle is always in action." Yes indeed. But others are Care Bear Amy, Moomoo Jess, Braid Jess, Married Jess, Amy E, Tall Brian, Old Brian, Jason Senior, Jason Junior, etc. Maybe I have made these up in my head, but I have a feeling that they are used as identification markers for others as well. I just have to make an excited declaration that I have done some serious bonding this trip... and I'm going to mention names. That is how excited I am. First, Gracie, my love. You are beautiful and amazing and I feel like the luckiest girl here that you are my bff. Care bear Amy, Moomoo Jess, who knew. Who knew that all we needed to do was have an isolated conversation and true love would exist? So happy for us. Last but not least...Taylor. Taylor Taylor Taylor. Nuff said.

One thing I was looking forward to in Kingston was the added relaxation time and the opportunity to finally get all the way better. I was almost there. Almost well. But no, I got a cold. A pretty quick and easy one but one that ran me a high temp for a couple days and made me cough to the point of pain in my stomach muscles. This naturally warranted a doctors visit on the morning of the swearing in ceremony. It was good that I went, I was in no position to get sworn in, however, I was so sad that I wasn't there. More than anything I wanted to share that experience with my peers. Not to fear though because the country director was sure to swear me in in front of everyone the next day so although I was unable to share their moments, they shared mine. I am feeling better now but not well. I keep pushing myself to go back to work but what I need to do is wait until I am 100% and then attempt work. Every time I get up, I just get knocked right back down.

Traveling home to Negril was good. I went alone for the first time which was interesting. I took a chartered taxi to the Country Bus Park and due to the tropical storm, there wasn't much going on. I had to wait for a bus which has never happened before and then many of the roads were flooded. It took a while to get back but I has a front row seat. I was sitting bitch between a driver and a passenger, both pleasant gentleman. They bought me guinnep and we shared. I had to lift my feet a couple of times while the cab flooded. Never in America would this happen. Incredible. The storm was pretty intense. Some trees fallen, including my banana tree in the back yard. The electricity and water was also off in Negril for several days which was not fun to come home to. My refrigerator was rancid with rotten fish in the freezer and juice leaking everywhere. I windexed that bitch like there's no tomorrow and I still can't get the smell out. And how the hell did ants and flies get into my unopened fridge? Suspect. Not cool. Dear Ants, I hate you. Love, Tami.

I was about to be done but I forgot one very important story...it is...how does one 23 year old manage to shit in her pants? I have several theories. The first one is, Jamaica hates me. Another, not enough crazy weird shit has happened to me yet. The last one, the water isn't its best being newly turned on any my stupid ass drinking it allowed my GI tract to quickly liquefy all contents in my ass so that my gas...ahem...was no longer actually gas. Disgusting I know. You don't want to know these things, but they are my life and now you know them. Love it.

Maanin! (Morning)

My life in Jamaica is much different than the one I had back in the states. For instance, in the states, I had the luxury of affording mouthwash to soak my retainers in during the day. I love the feel of fresh retainers at night...ahhh. Now, I cannot even afford mouthwash. In the states, I wear seatbelts when I am in a vehicle. In Jamaica, I get laughed at. That is, when seatbelts even exist. In the states I can take a walk around Portland with my iPOD roaring, here, I don't take it out of my flat. It has been an interesting adjustment to this new life I have. Some days, I love that everything is different. It is challenging and new and exciting. It makes me feel like I am learning about the world everyday when I am taken out of my comfort zone. I guess you could say I now live out of my comfort zone. On the other hand, sometimes I get so exhausted from all the different I just want to be on Ainsworth walking to the dog park and not looking over my shoulder. I want to walk to Safeway and not get harassed and/or grabbed at.

This all being said, today I am feeling a little tired. I have been ill and I will be walking a mile or so in the sun to work and it feels like a lot of work. When I get a bike, it will be very good. The sun on my back will not be nearly has exhausting if I have a breeze. I feel excited to go to work. The people I work with are VERY cool. I learn a lot everyday which I love.

I have been in Jamaica almost two months and haven't posted much. This is because I have been going back and forth about whether or not I want to have a blog. If I have one, I want it to be public, but I am worried I might say something that will get me into trouble...or I might say something without thinking and it will be insensitive or something. I don't want to offend, but censoring myself is not one of my strong suits. I have been apprehensive to write, but I have decided that is bogus. I have so many stories and experiences and thoughts I want to share! You should be able to know that I got stung in the vagina by jellyfish and that I thought I had worms. These are experiences you can only laugh at if you share.

At the same time, you might want to know the darker side of my new life. Like the police/gang shoot up outside of my place, or the fact that I was asked if I wanted to be raped (which freaked me out). Life here is different and it is amazing and rough and beautiful and scary all at the same time. Sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode and make a huge mess.

Anyways...mi av a go fi wok nuh. (I have to go to work now)

Love......me

Wa gwaan?

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't written for a while. I have been doing personal emails becuase I feel like there can't possibly be much that is exciting about my training. Same stuff everyday. The people are great, the trainings are elementary but very necessary. My mind is racing and I am so excited. I went to the beach for a PC social and it was so nice and warm and clear. It wasn't a tourist beach so we were the only white people there, it was awesome. I played throw the soccer in the ocean to people with some kids for like 30 minutes. I ate a whole fresh steamed red snapper, and heard someone call me Whitey! I find out what my assignment is on Thursday and then I leave for site based training on Friday! It is going to be great. I think I will have much more to say when I am actually doing things. If you have any thoughts or questions though, email me!

6 Hours to Lift Off!!!

So the time has come. I have been waiting and waiting and preparing and preparing. Now, in 6 short hours, a shuttle is going to take me to the airport so I can fly to Miami for my pre-departure orientation. Then it is me, and Jamaica. Obviously I have ten million things going on inside my head.

First, I AM GOING TO JAMAICA FOR A LONG TIME! Moving is an scary and exciting thing, and I probably have equal parts of both. Scary:Excited.

Second, I am trying to find that spot in my spirit that made me want to leave Portland. The jump in my step that sent me to where I am now. Naturally, instead of feeling ready to embark on this transforming experience, I feel sadness for what and who I am leaving behind. I wonder if I did a good job being a friend, a work associate, a girlfriend, a sister, a daughter, and a human being. I find myself hoping that I am in the right spot emotionally and academically, to be all I can be for the people that will be a part of my life in Jamaica.

Third, I am telling myself to chill the hell out! Now is a good time for reflection and I have been doing a lot of it. However, I tend to analyze the things that went wrong and how to not repeat past mistakes. Though that is good, I also have to remember to look back on all the positives. The lessons I have learned, people I have met, and goals I have accomplished. In the last couple of years I have realized enough about relationships to know that I still have a dang steep learning curve. And I am not talking romantic relationships, but ALL relationships. They are more complicated than I know how to describe. They are delicate and when not nurtured, they rot.

Fourth, it would naturally be this time, the time that has past has been all confidence, but no, this time, that I begin questioning the true role of the Peace Corps Volunteer. Why am I really going? I am not going to help people. I am not going to fix things. Do these people want me there? Am I just going to be pushing an American agenda of diplomacy whilst attempting to have a positive impact on people? I absolutely do, without a doubt, know that I am going to Jamaica to serve. Many people have asked why leave? Why not do something like the Peace Corps in the USA? It is a hard thing to answer, but I will try. First, while I am able to appreciate all the liberties, freedoms, rights, opportunities, and wealth we Americans have, I am also beginning to understand why we have them and others do not. I am disenchanted with our style. I didn't want to stay where I was. I wanted to liberate myself from a system of consumption, and fucking over the little guy (I wish I could think of a classier way to state this). I wanted to shake free of my belongings. I wanted to be removed from a system that I think is just as corrupt as other infamous countries. The Peace Corps is an opportunity to for me to look at the United States from the outside and gain some new perspectives. More importantly, it will allow me to immerse myself in a culture that is very different than the one I know. Being in Jamaica will allow me to show people me, as an American, but as I learn about the rich history and culture of Jamaica, as well as the current economic issues and foreign policies, I will have a grasp on the world that will end up benefiting me in my own development, as well as many others as I disembark on my lifetime of public service. I am going to Jamaica as a volunteer. I want to work, I want to offer myself to the people of Jamaica and create a niche there that is positive in the way I serve my community. I am going with my eyes open. They are a little teary at the moment, but open just the same.

Fifth, I am suddenly thinking that my fourth thought turned into a tangent from my dedication to service, to my current mindset of the United States. Oops. I entered into the Peace Corps knowing that I wanted to serve. It didn't matter where I went or what I did. I am not running away or trying to escape anything. I am leaving the states to serve, and to learn. And by learning I will be able to serve a wider audience with a larger knowledge base and I am glad and excited to have Jamaica rock my world.

Peace Out. Next post....Jamaica!

PS. Please note that though I only have five of my thoughts posted above, I do indeed have a million in my brain. Promise.

48 Days to Liftoff

This is my test blog. It is one of many things on my list. Get blog. Sell shit. Figure out storage. See the doctor. See the dentist. See friends.

It is creeping up on me...this whole moving away to another country where I don't know anyone thing. I couldn't be more excited and ready to face the challenge of so much uncertainty. The head trips aren't so much going there, but leaving here.

Still, I am smiling.