Sex in the City, By Carrie Bradshaw…um...yeah…more like Lizards in the Jungle, By Tami Wallis

Tami in America!!!

Tami in Jamaica!!!

Sometimes sitting in a rent-controlled Manhattan apartment writing about sex and love while drinking a cosmopolitan sounds like a nice reprieve from life as a Peace Corps Volunteer. But that is not me and I am not there. Sometimes it is appealing to be back in the states with ­some disposable income, being able to go dancing at Lola’s on 80’s night, or drinking my favorite draft beer, while eating my favorite cheeseburger at my favorite brew pub in Portland.

That is not what I have chosen as my path. Instead, I am 24 and living in Jamaica for the next two years. I am a yardie, sitting on my front porch, writing about my adventures, my concerns for humanity, and my involvement in it, while drinking ice cold water to keep from dehydrating. The most freeeing part about this is that I don’t feel like I am missing out.

I chose this.

I chose to be uncomfortable for two years. I chose to see and live in another world. I chose to struggle and to feel pain and to experience the exhilaration and satisfaction of succeeding after numerous failures of living and working in a culture that operates at a different speed as the United States.

When I decided to join the Peace Corps, it didn’t matter to me where I went or what I did there. My main motivation was to serve, whatever that means. My life has experienced good and bad, pleasure and pain, opportunities in health care and education. Because I have experienced poverty, and the darkness it brings, naturally being given the chance at education and financial security has afforded me the ability to wake up everyday with a feeling of being rich with a diversity of experience and opportunities. This gratitude is what keeps a smile on my face and strength in my heart.

People talk about success. I talk about success as well, but there is a difference between success and excellence. For me, I equate success with things: money, career, a flashy new car, the newest iPhone. I want to be financially comfortable, but my personal drive is the desire to achieve excellence. I equate excellence with people, relationships, experience, and choices. It is living a life that doesn’t cause harm o others and being the best person I can be to myself and those in my life. Excellence is making choices that are hard, or having conversations that are uncomfortable. Sometimes, excellence is saying no, when you really want to say yes.

Life in Jamaica is different. When I get together with friends, our conversations cover topics that I have never had before. Questions like, “How do I deal with harassment on the street while maintaining respect for myself and being culturally sensitive?” or “How do I talk to my supervisor about frustrations without offending him/her when I am unhappy with something?” or “How do I keep lizards out of my house?”

Living in Jamaica is very different than living in the United States. It is like juggling too many balls at once. Many times, you drop a ball, but when you don’t, it feels soooo good. Every aspect of the day has to be altered to Jamaica. You wake up in the morning to humidity, heat, bugs, and suddenly your body is not comfortable. You walk down the street thinking about how the blue of the ocean never gets old, while dealing with honking taxis, people yelling at you to buy something, or because they want to yell at you, while being concerned with whether the weather will turn and your laundry that you spent an hour hand washing will fall victim to the sudden torrential downpours that unfortunately leave my clothes smelling like I washed them in mold.

Getting to work you might have no structure, slow productivity, systems of business that leave something to be desired…such as running water or electricity that goes out from time to time. Learning to adapt to all these things at once is something that challenges you to your core and takes time and patience. Juggling has never been harder.

The walk home involves everything the walk to work involved, but the new sweat is mixing with the old sweat and so suddenly on top of everything else, there may be a certain unpleasant odor that follows you home. I find myself having to work harder to smile and say good evening, when all my strength and patience were used up throughout the day. Running on reserves is dangerous. Let me correct, me running on reserves can be dangerous. Another story for another day.

At the end of the day, there is little else to do but reflect on the day, and reflect on myself. Writing this on a Sunday, I find myself preparing emotionally, mentally, and physically for the week ahead. Instead of wondering if I can buy the new Manolo Blahniks at the end of the week ($400 high heels), I am budgeting so I can enjoy some jerk chicken at my favorite jerk stand. I am reminding myself that things don’t move the same on island time, and realizing that it is way to hot to do anything but slow.

At the end of the day, when I am tired, sweaty, and quite possibly dehydrated, all I can do is smile. I am achieving success by allowing myself permission to fail. Success here comes with patience, something I fail at, but deserve and A for effort. I am also achieving excellence. I am looking inside myself, speaking to others, and contemplating how best to move forward even in the face of fear.

The highlight of my week was not finishing the first draft of a grant I am co-writing that could progress my cause as an environmental educator. My highlight was after stopping at the bike taxi stand where I receive daily harassment, and talking to them, and having them talk to me, instead of at me. Introducing myself and having a human conversation. The next day walking by them most smiled and one held out his fist and said, “Wopm.” I pounded fists and smiled and said “Maanin boys” and kept walking, but my smile remained for the whole walk to work. The other highlight was peeing in a toilet with blue water and watching it turn green. But hey, sometimes it’s the small things that keep me smiling. Sometimes, all you can do is laugh.